Bonus was that the skills I learned translate to my professional and personal life *every day*. Also theres a debate up thread about if prostitution is legal in Vegas (seems to be no, but it is legal nearby). Get some counseling, dood. Same. I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.) So anything that could be perceived poorly at their church is not allowed. He loves listening to me talk about my trips and my hobbies and adventures, and I love hearing him talk about how he spends hours painting toy soldiers. And the entertainment options are essentially endless. FWIW, my husband went on a business trip to Vegas last year when I was pregnant and feeling like crap. I accidentally ended up at a naked sex drug party once, quite to my own embarrassment, but that was in Akron, Ohio. In either case though, go on the trip. Sometimes folks with untreated anxiety hear what they want to hear. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. Yup, wholeheartedly agree. You bet a quarter, watch and yell at the fake horses running around in a circle, bet another quarter, repeat. Friend: Uh-huh. And as Alison so deftly explained it, the rest is all a matter of trust within the marriage. I didnt have to take many work trips, being a teacher, but I did occasionally go to educational seminars. Its like the person who tried to quit, and their boss polls the other managers and then tells employee that the other managers all agree, employee does not have a good enough reason to quit. Youd have to make an effort to get kidnapped, I think. Dosomething small tobuild trust, and then your relationship will slowly but surely flourish. Cuz he was awesome.). And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! I really wish people would take the time to think beyond their first assumption in issues like this. My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Keep in mind that your partner is occasionally on edge, as being polite throughout an entire family trip can feel like a job." AKA: Don't be surprised if your partner gets moody. You could rent a car, though, and see lots of great places Hoover Dam, Boulder City, Red Rock Canyon, drive around Lake Mead, drive through Death Valley, go to Scottys Castle, just drive down to Jean and Primm and back for the heck of it (we did that several times when we lived there), Mt. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. There were also a TGI Fridays, a Hard Rock Cafe and a Coldstone Creamery. Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. Counseling perhaps. Does hehave ahistory ofnot wanting toshare parts ofhis life with others? My husband and I both grew up in very traditional conservative homes, and so his support of my career means a lot to me. Last year when she went not only did I work my 2 jobs but I tiled our laundry room to stay busy and keep my mind on things. I know right? Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. Co-worker had a wonderful time. I agree with Allison I think marriage counseling may be a good think to look into. You can drink and dance and play roulette in 43 of the 50 states. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. Its possible that thats part of it given the cheating aspect, but the worried the worst would happen is a very, very common anxiety symptom called catastrophizing. He is unable to let go of these thoughts on his own, they are interfering with his and his spouses quality of life, so he needs some help. Im going to a conference there in November for in-depth training on our electronic medical records system (not exactly a party subject! Does he take this incredibly low view of your character whenever youre apart from him, or is that just a terrible assumption he makes about you when you travel to Vegas? Theres a section in the book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier, that deals with a spouse like the OPs someone trying to manipulate their spouse away from going on an important business trip. Even emphasizing the point, like even they said theyd let their spouses go to Las Vegas. Its tough but definitely not impossible. Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. I think youre going to get a lot of pile on against your husband here I do hope you feel supported and not overwhelmed. Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary. (FWIW Im married and work FT and during tax season Ive come home at 10-12 PM. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. The gambling and drinking are pretty easy to not participate in if you dont want to. If you ever felt something was wrong you can tell a bartender, a waiter, a cop, that you need some help. Whenever we visit, we have to stay in their house, which is dirty and only has one working bathroom. The big issue is that hes being controlling and jealous in a really misogynist way, so Im not actually all that concerned with or sympathetic about notional anxiety issues at this point. 20 Times Nature Gave Us Something Unusual to Admire, If You Have a Sweet Tooth, These 13 Products Will Help Pave the Way to Your Heart, 10 Amazing Things for Your Home That Are Extremely Cheap Right Now, 10 Best-Selling Products Thatll Make Your Bathroom Worthy of 5 Stars, How Much or How Little the Cast of Jurassic Park Has Changed 30 Years After the Films Release, 10 Tiny Items From Amazon That Can Make a Huge Difference in Your Home, A Woman Dresses Like Celebrities to Prove Any Size Can Be Stylish, How Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen On-Screen Rivalry Lead to the Best Hollywood Bromance in Real Life, 11 Times Celebrities Undermined Traditional Upbringing Methods, 7 Amazon Deals That Can Make Your Skin Glow Without Hurting Your Wallet, Monster-in-Law / New Line Cinema and co-producers. Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. Instead, things got worse. (Is he really afraid you will be kidnapped or is he being hyperbolic to try to convince you to stay?). who believe the TV/movie depictions of the city and sort of forget that there are people who live there and work there, going about their everyday lives. It also couldnt be. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. Surely you jest! The letter writer is inquiring about whether or not she should DTMFA someone who drumroll has clearly already broken up with her. We both very quickly realized its quite safe, and a really interesting place to be, in a good sense. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. We specifically took any kind of obey language out of our vows. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. Like, do you think he really did take an opinion poll? DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). Hes gotten better over time, but he still guilt-trips me before I leave and makes sad noises about how he misses me so much and we never spend enough time together. Anger can feel like a reward I always feel more assertive and more in control when Im angry than when Im anxious (and theres a lot of overlap between anger and anxiety anyway, thanks to physical arousal and adrenaline). You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. And Im not talking rooms in crappy parts of town. They are readily available and heavily marketeda sudden whim or fancy could be a reality very quickly. Oh thats my mothers thing, too. Husband used to do this to me every time I drove anywhere in the winter. Im glad you left that loser. Often to far away and less-than-ideal places, safety-wise, sometimes for 2+ weeks at a time, and pretty frequently alone. Hah. There are a lot of people on vacation. However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. You don't have to fake excitement about every little . Hed go get a hotel room, and give me a call; he wouldnt be instantly homeless and alone, and I couldnt magically fix a burned house anyway. My hunny is not a fan of me getting up at 4:30 and going running in the dark by myself. Ive known controlling people that became that way because it was a learned coping method for a disordered brain pattern not that it is a good coping method, mind you, but it is one. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing. The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. I went to Vegas for work once. Things to consider!! As a side note to all of this, I watched the original CSI religiously for about 8 years, and had never been to Vegas (no easy opportunity and not really my thing). In Amish country. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. Ding ding ding! You have obviously not spent much time in New York City. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. And my husband was completely fine with it. not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off on a tangent.. I went to Vegas for several scientific conferences back in the day, and I thought it was a weird idea until the first time I actually went. Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. Ugh. Last but not least, take some time for yourself. Because my husband trusts me. Itll be a cold day in Hell before my husband allows/gives me permission to do anything. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Ill willingly concede that deglove describes something altogether horrible, but deplane is an idiotic, unnecessary, invented word. That actually happened to my parents! A friend of mine was sort of that guy! You won't have to look over, sideways, and under to find out when new Magic Key sales will be open again. Meaning they side with the wife on this one. This is NOT putting a judgement on those activities, but all of them can and do carry a pretty significant risk load (money spent, possible diseases, lost time, etc) and thats why in general, society rates them as vices. I can completely see how people who watched the sensational crime shows can imagine the world is terrifying, BUT its TV, *not* real life. Wouldnt that bother you?. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. It really seems like your husband doesnt trust you, and as AAM said, that is a relationship problem. Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) Travel tip: if you go into a bar whose name would make Hooters say whoa, too obvious and use your corporate AmEx to cut lines of coke, you are probably going to run into some trouble. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. I bet youll have fun. Congratulations! Im reminded of when my flying phobia was at its worst, and I was going to take a flight on Friday the 13th. I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. Funny, random story (OP, do not tell your husband this), one of my husbands coworkers met his wife while they were both on trips in Vegas. People who cheat assume everyone else will cheat, too. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. When does his flight land? I got sent there about a year and a half ago and I was thrilled (and my husband was happy for me). But thats a separate issue. You deserveit! You also really have to go because youre the primary breadwinner in the family. And its going to be a problem in your relationship whether you go on the trip or not. That much concern/lack of trust that his wife is going to go off and cheat on him because of what city shes in smells like projecting to me. I have family in Henderson and go there every February to escape the snow. A room like that in any other city would cost 3 or 4 times that. Umm, so Im not sure how to say this in away that wont come off snarky, so let me apologize in advance for not be able to think of a good way to word this: This was not a questions for AAM. Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation So yeah somethings just not right. Huh. Im a husband sometimes prone to irrational fears about if my wife is okay. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. We have tracks and the OTB, there are also lots of easy-to-locate poker games that are semi-legal. I shut that down fast by reminding her I was working an evening shift that ended at 11 PM. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? Right on the top!! Thats worrying about what other people will do TO me. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. Yes!! But instead of abuse and control and severely anxious the LW might be part of a cultural/ethnic subgroup where her role as breadwinner (and one that is doing well) that is a woman who is making more than husband is not the norm in her community and there is all sorts of talking/gossiping/pressure in the background at play. In fact, were you inclined to cheat, you might be more likely to do so in a boring place where theres much less to do (j/k, kinda). Sometimes there is no choice due to your family circumstances or mutual agreement, but this is not one of them. Him trying to get her to conform to a cultural norm that shes rejecting isnt necessary toxic, but just because its somebodys culture doesnt mean they get to impose it on others. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. Be bored, and be boring: This is not a debate, this is a fact deal with it but stated calmly, not aggressively. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. But a counselor can assess it and go from there. Autor de l'entrada Per ; Data de l'entrada columbia university civil engineering curriculum; hootan show biography . If it were me I would be seriously considering leaving the relationship especially if there are not already kids. He wouldnt try and prevent me from going on one of those trips because it is work, but he used to fret quite a bit and if I didnt text when he expected (or didnt have phone service) he would panic (as in call highway patrol level panic). It makes me uneasy and I dont want to let her go. The difference is it wasnt that he didnt trust ME, or that he was worried about me getting drawn into some sinful situation. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . One of my favorite business trips was a 3-day solo trip to Vegas. Also by facing the problem together wife will know what steps he need she to do to get better on this/call him out if he isnt doing it. And of course brains being not rational, could be a whole soup of something bad will happen which combines kidnapping, cheating, meeting someone else and Vegas-marrying them despite already being marriedregardless, I think OP should go on the trip. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. What the hell? This is just.rage-inducingly bonkers. This happens to me at the worst times, like when Im walking home in the evening or when Im doing chores alone around the house I get this feeling like im starting in the opening sequence of whatever creepy procedural I was watching. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. Did you see the memo that was going around from Travis Kalanik of Uber (shortly before he was forced out)? My grandmother pays for the trip. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. The kidnaps, cheating, etc etc that COULD happen in Vegas (with about as much chance as being struck by lightning) are all just scare tactics to convince YOU to stay home and desire his protection from the big, bad world. I build these horrific scenarios in my mind about what supposedly happened. But I just wanted to let you know that there are at least two people in the world who definitively do not agree with your husband. From the OPs subsequent posts, it sounds like they did agree with the husband, and that shes in an area where thats a more common approach. Right? Ideally, you and your husband would support each other in your careers, not have babyish meltdowns. we can all agree that either way, Husband isnt likely to change his behaviour without some outside intervention, so I do hope that counselling is an option for them. Something I would like you to keep in the back of your mind: I dont know whether your husband has anxiety or not, I dont know whether he is controlling or not. She takes trips with friends, or solo, a few times a year. I worry about things constantly. I did business trips to the Middle East. ), but she saw danger everywhere. Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? We partially worked around it by him pack me an automotive emergency kit since rental cars tend to lack flares, reflectors, etc. It doesnt take the anxiety away, but it seemed to dull some of the crazier bits. But they definitely need marriage counseling. I hope you find a guy who does that for you. Look at it again. Im all for giving your loved ones the name of the hotel youre staying at and checking in on a nightly basis (Ive done it myself) but if hes being controlling and/or anxious, there may be no amount of information that will be enough to assuage him. In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. Figure you stop as often as baby feeds (which is every 3 hours for us.) Im sure he must have good qualities, but this isnt one of them. My husband was very upset. He was worried about me, because I was over worked and only had about 4 hours of sleep per night. And added to that: if the husband doesnt believe its his issue, hes not likely to be willing to do the work of finding a therapist and getting therapy. Some things are objectively controlling behaviours though. Yes, we fly in on Monday and are out by Friday. Thats another reason to put off discussions the information just wont register with him while hes anxious. Unlike other cities where the hotels and expo centers are spread apart dotted in among the rest of the city, the downtown area was basically built for tourists/travelers. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for the night along the way. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. Theyve had a lot of issues actually, and it kind of doesnt work for her. Exactly. Oh man, the broken-glass-on-the-kitchen-floor-for-a-month dude! If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! He knows that travelling for work is non-negotiable, so hes willing to put in the work to make it easier for both of us. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. The only effective thing to do with anger is for one of you to walk away leave the house if you have to. So, considering that this issue really could be either one, I suppose its no wonder were seeing a lot of both here and it feels like they arecompeting? I think part of this relates back to a topic thats come up here before: people who dont travel for work think its fun but the people who do travel for work spend the whole time in meetings, seminars, conferences, and never get to explore whatever city theyre in. His response is not reasonable except in AAMs answer. Even if he does have some kind of anxiety disorder, he needs to recognize that this behavior isnt reasonable in a relationship, and marriage counseling is a great way to work out problems in a relationship. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. and a lot to it more than the Strip. rarely cede ground. So I understand, at some level, where the husband is coming from when he thinks about these horrible things happening to his spouse. This isnt about whether or not the thing Im about to do is dangerousit is about her desire to control what I do. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further.